Amtrak To Hell

It doesn’t matter how many rare and out of print vinyl lp’s you have, it doesn’t matter what popular band you went to see at some dive bar long before anyone else knew who they were, it doesn’t matter how many band shirts you have from tours that happened two decades before you were born, and it sure as hell doesn’t matter how many cool, obscure band names you can drop in any given conversation just so whoever you’re talking to can ask “who’s that?” and make you feel superior for knowing something that isn’t gonna make one bit of difference to the world when all is said and done.

Nope, the truest barometer of your musical taste is the “Top 25 Most Played” list on your iTunes.   

I do have something against morons, however, so if anyone I know starts referring to themselves as neither guy, girl, man, woman, male or female, but rather, “female-bodied” or “male-bodied”, I’m gonna slap them upside the head.

By the way, if you were born with a penis, wanting to be a girl and dressing like a girl doesn’t make you a girl. I’m sorry, it just doesn’t. Neither does cutting your dick off, taking female hormones, and/or getting fake breasts. If you were born with a vagina, turning it inside out to resemble a penis and taking testosterone shots doesn’t make you a guy. That’s all cosmetic. It isn’t the real thing. Even if you could argue that, from a biological standpoint, it’s all the same, which is actually a pretty shoddy argument, anyone who undergoes a sex change as an adult STILL isn’t ever gonna know what it’s like to have grown up and gone from a child, through puberty, and into adulthood as the opposite sex that they were born.

It’s kind of like those rich morons who like to pretend they’re poor, or white idiots who like to pretend they’re black. They’re never gonna know what it’s really like. They don’t want the cons that come with their respective obsessions, they just want the surface bullshit that makes their obsessions seem cool. Yes, I realize that gender confusion goes a lot deeper than wanting to be cool, but the fact remains that a cosmetic fix isn’t gonna change who and what you really are.

If you’re a guy, and you happen to hate sports and action movies but like Glee, musicals, cuddling, high fashion and the color pink, it doesn’t mean that you’re “a girl trapped in a guy’s body”. It just means that you hate sports and action movies but like Glee, musicals, cuddling, high fashion and the color pink, and possibly, although not necessarily, that you’re gay.

On the flip side, if you’re a girl, and you’re into sports, action movies and working on cars but hate makeup and shopping for clothes, it doesn’t mean you’re a “guy trapped in a girl’s body”. It just means you’re into sports, action movies and working on cars but hate makeup and shopping for clothes, and possibly, although not necessarily, that you’re a lesbian.

It’s this warped society that places all these stigmas on what people who happen to be of a certain gender can and cannot do, and it’s all complete bullshit. Giving in to it isn’t gonna change anything, though.

Yes, I realize that anyone reading this can point out the fact that as a white, heterosexual male, all this is easy for me to say, because I can’t possibly know what it’s like to have society at large look down on me simply for being born a certain way, and that’s fair enough. I don’t know what it’s like. Hell, society fucking loves my kind. That isn’t my fault, though, and it sure as hell doesn’t make what I’m saying any less true.  

You’re not “female-bodied”. You’re a fucking girl, and you know what? It’s OKAY to be a girl.

You’re not “male-bodied”. You’re a fucking guy, and you know what? It’s ALSO OKAY to be a guy.

Deal with it, move the fuck on, and maybe try to spend all that energy you waste wishing you were someone else on something that will actually help the world. Or not.

Either way, don’t expect me to buy into your bullshit.      

When late twenties, early thirty something people on TV act all shocked when they find out one of their single friends hasn’t had sex in TWO WHOLE WEEKS. Seriously, in what world are single people, even successful, good looking single people, getting laid by strangers every other night? Or am I just doing something wrong?  

So I was screwing around on the internet and came upon a blog post about how Blink 182 sucks. I felt it would be amusing to check out the comments of all of the angry Blink fans, and sure enough, they did not disappoint, so I decided to put up a  couple of my favorite rants. If you know anything at all about the history of rock and popular music, particularly punk rock, you will probably find these rants as amusing as I did (if blatant ignorance and stupidity amuses you, anyway).  I would link to their blogs, but none of them have anything up. They apparently all signed in to blogspot just to show their love for Blink. No spelling or grammar has been corrected. These are the comments as they appeared, with my personal favorite bits in bold:

From some guy/girl calling themselves “Chris”:

“Your arguments week, Blink 182 never claimed to be punk, nor have they ever referred to themselves as Pop-Punk, In fact they’ve never even labeled themselves. And as a Blink 182 fan the only problem i have with them is they’ve changed too much, its like they were trying to show how much they’ve matured. Music is just a persons opinion, If you don’t like it so what move on to the next band. No need to be fixated on a band you don’t even like right? If your gonna be wasting your time why don’t you focus all your hate on the real problem Country and Rap.”

From some guy calling himself “Nathan”:

“People call me a “music snob” because I don’t like their pop music, but as a matter of fact I do listen to Green Day, Weezer, and Blink-182 a lot. To say so myself, I think that all the bands have talent (with the exception of Green Day) and they all have great senses of humor (not Green Day, again). Besides Weezer, they all claim to be punk, but really aren’t. Punk really isn’t very good, so screw it. I like The Offspring, but that’s all the punk I can handle. Yes, they are monotonous, but they’re music isn’t as bad as current day pop music. Blink-182 would sing
“And that’s about the time she walked away from me,” as the first line of the chorus, and Lady Gaga would sing “T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-Telephone! Telephone!” as her first line and entire chorus. I respect Blink as musicians and I don’t really think they suck.”

And last but certainly not least, from some moron referring to him/herself as “homieo33”:

“I am a huge Blink fan they are the best music group of all time in my opinion and so what if theyre not totally “punk” all that shit like the rope pants and the spikey stuff that is weird. In their youth the blink boys were just screw offs that like to have a good time and thats what theyre music is about and i admit theyre songs are not hard to play but they are catchy and good the bands that you like people probably dont even know of cause they suck that much. if it is on mtv and the radio then usually the songs are good and blink is the best. And i disagree with your statment about how they suck in concert they do not i have seen them in concert they make it fun by telling jokes and playing there music real fast and if your a die hard fan you will appreciate it. Blink actually sings about things that are going on in young peoples lives and the songs sound really good i dont know what the hell you are listening to but blink rocks, and like i said earlier the best thing about it is they are all teenagers at heart and just want to have a good time and say stupid shit which i think is what makes them so good I cant wait for their new album to come out. blink 182 is awesome tom mark and travis are my boys. and you punker guy are a total freek have fun smelling listening to your gay faggot assed music.”

The man just iced his own kicker.

Seriously, what in the fucking fuck?

Romo isn’t the problem with this team. He never has been.  He’s one of the best QB’s in the league, and anyone who doesn’t realize that is a fucking moron who knows nothing about the NFL.

The real problem is that Jerry fucking Jones would rather have idiot “yes men” coaching his team than someone who actually knows what they’re doing. Jimmy Johnson should still be the coach, but he didn’t agree with Jerry on everything, so despite the fact that he put one of the best teams in NFL history together and won two Super Bowls, that idiot Jones fired him.

Somehow, I don’t think Jimmy Johnson would have ever iced his own fucking kicker in a crucial moment. Somehow, I don’t think Jimmy Johnson would have called nothing but pass plays against the Detroit fucking Lions when his team was up by three touchdowns, nor do I think he would have followed up that performance by calling nothing but run plays against the New England fucking Patriots when his team was up by only a field goal with two minutes to go, knowing that, while the Patriots defense is pretty shoddy, they still have one of the best offenses in league history.

This team is one of the most talented in the league, and Rob Ryan has turned the defense around 100%. There’s no doubt about that, and thankfully everyone else in the division lost this week as well.

Still, until Jerry realizes that he needs to hire the best man for the job, even if that means they might argue with him from time to time, and even if that means he won’t get all the glory when they win, this team is gonna wallow in mediocrity.

Fuck this bullshit. Cowboys fans deserve better, Jerry.

Seriously, make it happen. This is getting old.  

So I was geeking out on old music a couple of weeks ago, searching all of my favorite sites to find certain songs on, and I happened upon a YouTube video of “Let Your Love Flow” by The Bellamy Brothers, which happens to be an old country song recorded in the early 70’s that I quite liked as a kid. (My parents, in their religious fervor, somehow had it rationalized in their heads that, while they wouldn’t let me listen to any “contemporary” music, it was okay for me to listen to the kind of music that they enjoyed when they were younger. The one positive effect this had on me was that I was exposed at a very young age to a lot of songs that were “before my time”, something that has served me well as I grew into an adult music nerd.)

At any rate, this song is pretty catchy in a cheesy, 70’s pop kinda way, albeit very naive lyrically, suggesting that all you need to do is “Let Your Love Flow” and all will be right with the world. I scrolled through a few of the YouTube comments, which were mostly just praising whoever put the video up, until I came upon one fellow who made the comment that “everyone in the world should just listen to this song and realize that life isn’t so bad after all”.  

I, of course, felt the need to point out that simply listening to this song would do little to make certain people realize that life “isn’t so bad after all”, such as kids who are being physically, mentally and/or sexually abused by adults who are supposed to be taking care of them, people who have lost loved ones and most of their possessions due to natural or other disasters, impoverished and/or sick people who have nowhere to turn to and nobody to take care of them, innocent civilians who are caught in the crossfire of government wars, etc., etc….

At any rate, I felt like I made a pretty good argument against his statement.

Plus, I felt like being a dick.

The funny thing is, nobody had even acknowledged his comment until my reply, and then all of a sudden he got a bunch of “thumbs up” from the other people viewing the video. Nobody gave my reply a thumbs down, or told me how wrong I was for being a dick. In other words, they knew I was right and that his comment was stupid in the grand scheme of things, yet they felt like they should encourage him anyway.

I guess it’s no real revelation on my part, but people on YouTube like to encourage stupidity.  

Seriously, we still rule the school, after all this time. Man, I would be pissed off if I were anything else….I can honestly see what all you other folks are on about all the time.